Short Musings
by kasey07
Summary: You win, Potter. All of it.


**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

You win, Potter.

All of it.

I stood in the drizzle of the rain, hidden by the shadow of night and dense foliage… watching. It was dark, late into the night, but a window to a home was brightly lit with life. I shivered and pulled my threadbare cloak tighter, but the cold had already slipped through the thickest folds, chilling me to the bone. December, and it was raining when snow should have been falling in its place.

The happiness was sickening to look at as I watched the scene unfold through the glass of the window. Inside, a man sat on plush couches in front of the bright, burning embers of the fire that cast dancing shadows on the wall. A small child, still on hands and knees, cautiously made his way towards a fir tree positioned in the corner, decorated lavishly with bright gift-wrapped presents underneath its boughs. He looks everything like his father: dark hair and green eyes, only the scar on his forehead missing. The infant settled himself on his bottom, squealing in delight at the colorful items, his mouth open to show the protruding of his first teeth.

A flash of brilliant red caught my eye, a shade I knew too well. The mother enters, completing the perfect picture. She stops briefly to laugh at the child before taking a seat next to the father. A gateway of memories and pain flooded open from where I'd been suppressing for years.

"_No!"_

"_Get off of me," I hissed, trying to keep my voice low._

"_No," she whispered again. Beads of tears were running down her face, leaving paths of where they'd slid down._

_Guilt was tainted with every beat of my heart, burning deep within my veins as I glared down at her. I didn't want to do it— Merlin help me if he could have— but I knew I had to before my courage ran dry. Every word that I said to hurt her hurt me a thousand times more._

"_Let go," I demanded. "There never was an 'us.' We fucked, Weasley. It was a good time, but now it's over."_

_Lies… every word of it._

_She shook her head and looked down, letting the tears fall on to the ground. "Please," she begged, "I love you."_

_I loved her too, more than she'll ever know._

"_Love?" I sneered. "How pitiful." I threaded my fingers into her hair and pulled her face up to meet mine. "You're nothing. Did you actually think that I would love someone like you?"_

_I let go. _

_She crumpled to the ground, finally releasing my arm and weeping her hands. _

_I walked away from her._

_Her whole body was shaking violently with sobs._

_She didn't know I was still watching, hidden behind a tree._

_There were no words to describe how much pain and anguish I felt to see her broken and crying on the floor of dead leaves. I wanted to run out to her, take her in my arms and kiss away the tears. _

_But I couldn't do that._

_She deserved everything; the world, the stars up in the velvet sky, going to sleep every night, knowing that she would wake up alive the next day. She deserved everything that wasn't me. _

_I was doomed to walk in the dark forever. I had to let her go._

_By now, she'd picked herself off the ground and started running back to the castle. I stood still in my hiding place, watching her go even though everything inside of me told me to run after her. _

_A rumble ahead signaled the coming of a thunder storm. Minutes later, the rain burst from the bloated, grey clouds and came pouring down. Millions of droplets that fell like her tears. A million drops of pain for the million lies I told her. _

_I didn't know how much time had passed__ but I found myself in the darkness, on my knees and completely drenched while the rain splashed on my skin. A sudden burning from my arm called for my presence before I wearily stood up._

Potter had put his arms around her and I growled, jealousy turning into rage. I had to stop myself from barreling through the window at them, remembering that she was his now, no longer mine… never mine.

The three of them, a happy family; something pure and bright, not poisoned by the cold hands of my dark existance.

I concentrated on her; drinking in every detail. She's still beautiful and glowing despite everything that's happened.

Potter suddenly looked up, his eyes scanning the window area. Our eyes lock for the briefest instant before he looked back at his son with a look of adoration.

Golden Boy didn't see me, but he did know something was wrong.

I had to leave before it was too late; Potter looked uneasy as he glanced in my direction again.

Taking one last look at my love, I disappeared deeper into the trees, letting the darkness of the night cloak me.

**A/N: Extremely short, I wrote this one night when I couldn't sleep. Thanks to beta readers Naycit and Abigail.**


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